There Will Be No Sex Tonight

I’ve never been able to figure out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man”.
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey”.
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier”.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel
like it”.

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
“WHAT?”.

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”.

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

  • Raif

    nice

  • Shocktipus

    you know you are an asshole, right? you are generalizing in the extreme. there is no “men think with their heads and women think from their hearts” thing. the minds of men and women are different in no significant way. sexual urges and rationality differ from person to person. neither of them is dependent upon genitalia. a man might not feel like sex when a women is raring to go, all people can be rational and all people can be emotional. just because a person has a cock doesn’t mean they are logical by default and just because a person has a pussy doesn’t mean they are emotionally charged.

    more to the point. she didn’t feel up for sex, which is sexually frustrating, but it happens. you are an adult. if you can’t have some candy do you throw a tantrum? no. you could have talked to her about it, not to persuade her into the sack, but to tell her what you think. that you are disappointed. not to guilt her. but to have a rational discussion about both of your needs. however you decided to go to sleep.

    maybe you didn’t discus it because you’ve had that talk many times. and it’s clear that you two are not compatible in this matter. that real compromise to make you both happy isn’t possible. but you don’t want to break up. i could understand that. I’ve been there. what you DON’T do is secretly hold onto your grudge. take off work to lure her into a trap. lead her on PURPOSEFULLY TO MAKE HER DISAPPOINTED. then throw her legitimate feelings on a completely unrelated matter into her face like the punchline to a bad joke.

    that is petty and irrational. in no way does that help to solve either of your, or her, problems. all that does is give you some self entitled feeling of revenge. you are a douche.

    i don’t know this women. maybe she is a douche too. but as far as i know, she didn’t hurt you intentionally, then write a short story about it, painting herself to be the patient hero, and proudly post it on the internet for others to see.

    • Fibonacci85

      Your first sentence had an insult, this must be insightful, and totally not bias. And whose to say she didn’t get the man all hot and steamy just to get what she wants. You have NO IDEA what was going through her head as the author never told us her thoughts MEANING, you wrote that rant on an ASSUMPTION that the woman was wronged. Yet she could easily have told him right off the bat she wants to cuddle, instead of leading him on. But no she let it go for a while making him think he was getting what he wants then turns it around on him halfway there. If they live together and sleep together she knew the situation ahead of time (wanting to cuddle), and bent it to her advantage. Which is what the original author did at the store, sure a different setting but it was just as meaningful to him, in bed attempting to express his love the best way he knows how(Pro tip: That’s how men work), then her shooting it back at him essentially telling him she loves him enough to get what SHE wants and not give him anything in return. So yeah let’s paint her a damn hero for that.