For the Fun

WTF Notepad – Leave hilarious sticky notes

WTF NotepadPissed off?  Need to let off some steam?  This hilarious notepad from Knock Knock, allows you to easily tick some boxes to get your point across. Would make a great gag gift or stocking stuffer or just the perfect gift for that constant grump in your life.

Generate planet names for No Man’s Sky

Stuck figuring out what you should call your planets in No Man’s Sky?  Then check out this cool app which will generate a planet name for you that actually sounds pretty good.

NMSGen is a really simple tool which tries to come up with reasonably good sounding planet names for No Man’s Sky.  The names are certainly better then the default ones in the game.

What do you use to come up with planet names?

5 Random, really cool things I need in my life

I found these random things online and I need all of them in my life right now.

Slide and Stairs

Stairs aren’t exactly much fun.  That is unless you’re a child and can slide down the banister.  But then again, that isn’t exactly very safe though.  So how’s this for a solution, put a slide down the side of the stairs.  I honestly hate the stairs in my place.  If they had a slide i’d be outside way more often.

Stairs with a slide

The James Bond esque Wine Cellar

This wine cellar ain’t going to be cheap.  But who cares.  It looks amazing.  I’m also not sure how practical it is.  But it’s full of wine – so I can’t really do much complaining.

James bond wine cellar

The Wall Shelf Desk

This is just really, really clever.  After seeing this, i’m starting to wonder why more furniture isn’t designed like this.  Can I get a coffee table, tv unit combo?

Wall shelf desk

The Bike Shelf Bookcase

To be honest I don’t currently own a bike.  And maybe if I had this cleverly designed shelf it would inspire me to get one.  And who knows, maybe it would also inspire me to read more as well.  Unlikely, but it looks cool.

Bike shelf desk

The Cup and Biscuit Combo

Cup with biscuit pocket

Don’t shoot me, I don’t really like biscuits.  Give me cake any day.  But one occasion I do love biscuits is when I have a cup of tea.  A dunked biscuit is divine.  This clever little cup has a place for biscuit.  Although I’m a little concerned about the amount of liquid this contains.

Never Play Poker with…


“Great” Pickup Lines

  • I’ve just moved you to the top of my to do list.
  • Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
  • I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
  • That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again, if I was on your chest, I would be coming too.
  • Of course theres lots of fish in the sea, but youre the only one Id love to catch and mount back at my place.
  • There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.
  • My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want.
  • Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
  • You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
  • Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
  • Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
  • You know, I’d really love to screw your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it.
  • Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.

I Want to Be a Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.
When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

The Stages of Adulthood


Some powerful life advice

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bastard.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a sand pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

Don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on

X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You’ll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously ‘erased’.

Don’t waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes’ eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.

Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.

A next door neighbour’s car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you’ve taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower. – B. Johnson, Canada

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.

Weedy fellas. Develop a right forearm like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by buying one of those Cindy Crawford workout videos.

Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.

Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they’re always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc ‘tastes exactly like the real thing’, they won’t know any difference.

Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you’d no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of ‘rodeo sex’. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her tits, call her by the wrong
name. See how long you can ‘stay mounted’ for.

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

Give comics that ‘Pulp Fiction’ feel by reading the last frames of cartoons first, then reading the rest in a random order.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Heavy smokers. Don’t throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you’ll have enough to insulate your loft.

Motorists. Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your windscreen, sticking half a melon skin on you head, then jumping red lights and driving the wrong way up one way streets.

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

Convince neighbours that you have invented a ‘SHRINKING’ device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a JCB digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and replace the JCB, unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same descption. Watch their faces in the morning!

Have all your shits at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you’ll also be getting paid for it.

Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgem cars anyway, so it may as well look like one.

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

19 Ways to be Insane

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In.”

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Sexual Favors”

7. Finish All Your Sentences With “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”

8. Don’t Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party because You’re Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won! I Won!”

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling

“Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”

Is hell exothermic or endothermic?

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, “why do airplanes fly?” on his final exams. His one and only final exam question is May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: “Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof.”
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.

Two options exist:

If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
If hell is expanding at a rate faster then the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, “that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you” and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true…
Thus hell is exothermic.

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A in the class.

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